Pretend
My child: Mama, I want to do some work.
Me: What do you mean?
My child: I want to type a message and do a call, can you help me?
[Side note: this is an unintended side effect of her spending months watching me ‘work’ doing endless zoom calls and bashing passionately at my keyboard!]
Me: Yes. Okay, one minute, let me finish making your breakfast.
My child: Okay.
30 sec pauce
My child: Are you ready yet?
Me: Not yet.
My child: Pretend you’re ready.
Me: Yes ma’am.
This little chat sums up how I feel about entering the new year (oh, and also how bloody cheeky my child can be!).
Over the last 12 months, I haven’t felt ready or prepared. In fact, I have often felt untethered, overwhelmed and unworthy. However, the force that has created the much-needed balance, ensuring that I avoid retreating under my duvet, is bottled up within my little human.
Spending so much time (a depth and breadth we haven’t had together since maternity leave) with a funny, creative and positive person, and watching her grow every day through play and music, has been humbling. With every hour weaving between the hellish and the magical, she has taught me that one of the greatest gifts we can give to other humans is to meet them exactly where you find them. Leaving your own baggage at the door, shifting to meet their eye level, and simply listening. I’m grateful for that.
We’re now stepping into the final stretch of the build. Over the next few weeks, the walls will be painted, stairs will be installed and the kitchen will be in place. In a few months we’ll be moving in, and our lives will shift into a new phase. The pandemic will still be draped in the background, we will be reconciling our build expenses alongside a struggling economy, and we’ll be gearing up towards sending our child to school in September (into an educational system that doesn't have the best track record of teaching objectively, encouraging curiosity and difference, or enabling young black children to thrive). I do not feel ready, but I’m following my child’s clear instructions and pretending just enough that I can keep moving forward.
Kitchen progress : )
