This v That

Decisions.

Decisions.

Decisions.

There are so many of them. So many trade-offs and compromises needed to ensure that we build something beautiful and functional while avoiding financial ruin. I acknowledge the privilege of this position, and I am thankful that I am not choosing between whether to pay my rent or feed my child, however it doesn’t take away from the simple existence of decisions that need to be made.

We have had to be bullish about our priorities (staircase, front windows, front doors, the kitchen skylight and the kitchen cabinets) and try to let go of the rest. Admittedly, this is hard… there are so many pretty things out there…. and I want them. I have caught myself mulling over the possibility of home-schooling my toddler for a year and saving on her nursery fees so I could afford a seamless terrazzo floor in the kitchen. (It literally would have been the equivalent of 6 months of fees, but this was in that old life before Covid… I know better now. I need childcare.)

The need for prioritisation forces decisions and the less trivial decisions force you to weigh up options and evaluate the costs and rewards. However, in that decision-making moment there is often no easy way to distinguish a right answer from a wrong one. There is simply a choice to make and consequences to live with.

A key part of my current day job is supporting the executive team to prioritise the work we need to do in order to reach our strategic goals. This means making tough decisions on where we choose to invest the time of teams across the business. Is it this, or is it that? The problem is, who likes to hear no? Who is willing to sacrifice their own pet projects in favour of their colleagues? These questions are now being reflected back at me as I try to navigate the house build with my husband. Making choices individually is hard enough, so it is no wonder that when two or more people get together to do this chaos often ensues.

I am part way through a book called Decisive, by Chip and Dan Heath which focuses on why, both individually and within groups, we find it so hard to make any decisions, let alone good ones. Through their research they have found that there are a few key blockers to good decision making. One example is that we create too narrow a frame through which we view the problem. We zoom right into an ‘either / or’ scenario and fail to see all the other options available to us. Another example is that we often use short term emotion (excitement, fear) to drive decisions, and that we need more distance to get enough clarity to make good choices for ourselves. However, the blocker that really stood out to me is our inability to align critical priorities and decisions around our individual (or collective) core values.

For many people who have had the privilege of time to reflect during this pandemic, there has been an opportunity to really connect with the ‘things that matter’ in a way our old life rarely gave us a moment for. My experience has shown me that prioritising and decision making is made that much harder when there is a lack of clarity around a vision, goals and values. I’m not talking about the vague statements that companies put up that could literally mean anything to anyone. No. I’m talking about concrete reasons for being. I stand for this, and not for that. We put this group first, and not that group. This compass creates a clarity and consistency when sticky situations arise, and tough calls need to be made.

Further to this, when making decisions as a group, it becomes damn near impossible when there is a lack of trust. The existence in trust in a group means individuals are more likely to listen. Not the ‘nod your head, already predicting what that person is going to say’ listening (I can be very guilty of this), but REALLY listening. Active listening requires you to have empathy and a dose of vulnerability, ready to hear something that you do not agree with. Trust needs to exist to achieve this, and once it does, the narrow framing can begin to expand allowing new ideas to flood the stale ‘virtual’ meeting room. Magic.

So, how are we navigating our decision making for the house?

We know that our vision for our family is to live joyfully, and one of the ways we want to achieve this is to build a home that is beautiful and functional and lasting. We believe that the best design should solve for both safety and functionality and never compromise on them.

I am grateful to be navigating the seemingly never-ending decisions with someone I trust. With that trust, I feel safe to give an opinion, have it questioned and analysed, and receive some candid feedback, however, it is still by no means easy. Luckily, so far, disagreements have been short lived. I think that our principles have helped us to remove the short-term excitement and fear that could easily trigger our decision making (hello beautiful terrazzo!),forcing us instead to connect with the longer-term emotions that anchor our values and passions.

Man. It’s hard work.

Here’s a picture taken during a ‘discussion’ today. Poor Poppy the Troll has given up completely ; )